Keeping a home not only requires time, energy, and creativity, but it also calls for skills and experience. I believe homemaking is an art, and to pursue the development of any piece of art demands time and talent.

Dorothy Kelley Patterson

Growing up I had so many dreams and aspirations for my life. Funny enough, being a wife, mom, or homemaker were not on my list. I started working early in life, saved my money, and spent almost all of it on my horses. I went to college… a couple times, and through all of that I never really found my “place”. The things I thought I wanted when I was younger were ok, and they worked for the time being, however I never really felt at home doing them, and I didn’t feel like I was fulfilling my life’s mission, whatever that mission was.

Then I met David. For those who don’t know, we met online. I was challenged to try online dating and I set out to prove what a waste of time it was. For the first time, my stubbornness and strong want to prove people wrong, hit me right in the face with a husband, and very shortly after that a family. Who knew?? Once our oldest daughter entered our lives, I had such a strong pull to be home with her. I wanted to be “that” wife and mom. You know, the ones who go on the school field trips and have home cooked meals waiting on table. The one who kept the perfect house and always had a smile on her face.

Well… three years later I put in my notice at work, with the blessing of my husband and a very productive side hustle that I loved (thank you Pampered Chef!) and set out to be “that” wife and mom. I was in for the rudest awakening of my life.

Why be a Stay at Home Mom?

When I truly decided that I wanted to be a stay at home mom, it was for several reasons. I came from a childcare/ early learning background and I knew how important a strong and stable home life was for children. I didn’t feel that we were providing that with mine and my husbands jobs at the time. We worked so many hours, and nothing was consistent. We didn’t have a rhythm and very little was predictable in our lives. I had such a strong pull to step off of the hamster wheel and slow down. It wasn’t just something I wanted but deep in my heart I knew I needed it. For myself and my health both physical and mental, but also for my family.

My biggest goal as a mom is to raise kind, hard working, happy humans. I wasn’t doing that to the fullest of my capability while I was working. I was stressed out, always in a rush, annoyed, and honestly just burnt out on life in general. I had nothing left to give my family, and it wasn’t fair. The ability to stay home has made me a better mom and a much better wife, and with the return to my tasks at home I am much happier as well.

The Cons of SAHM Life

Ok, for the sake of full transparency here… being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done with my life and I used to be a toddler teacher y’all. I was in charge of 14 children under the age of 3 on a daily basis, and being home is much harder. You are literally never alone, yet you always feel alone. It’s the strangest thing. I can’t use the restroom without company, whether it’s my kids or my dogs, yet I have no other adults around to talk to during the day.

The other difficult thing about being home is that there is literally nobody making you do your job. That may sound magical, and in the beginning it was. However, the dishes pile up along with the laundry, appointments start stacking up on each other, and eventually all of the people in this house want to eat. I have a horrible habit of procrastinating certain things, so I try my hardest to do my mom tasks as soon as our day starts. Most of the time it works, but you better believe there are some days, like today, where not a single load of laundry was done and my house is a little disheveled looking.

It’s Not All Bad

Let me be perfectly clear when I say this is the hardest job I’ve ever had, it is also the most rewarding. My bond with our oldest daughter has gotten so much stronger, and our youngest, who has been with me since day one as a stay at home mom, is pretty much my little side kick. She has recently decided her dad is pretty amazing, so I feel I’m going to have to start sharing her, but it was bound to happen- he is pretty awesome.

I can also for the first time in forever have people randomly stop by and know that I am confident that my house is presentable. When I was working full time, the daily tasks of cleaning got pushed to evenings and weekends and I was always behind. Know that if you stop by now, my house will be messy because we live here and we enjoy it, but it is also clean and I take great pride in that.

It is no secret that the world we live in today can be chaotic and at times downright scary. Being home and providing my family a stable place to relax, and a safe place to feel their emotions is also very important to me. I feel in a small way, that by being home and providing them that space, I am setting them up for further success out in the real world.

All that being said, the absolute BEST thing about being a stay at home mom is being here for all of my girls’ firsts. First steps, first bike rides without training wheels, first lost tooth, and so much more. These are the things I want so badly to be able to tell them about when they are grown, and if I don’t get to see them, I can’t tell them the story.

How I Handle the Stress

Being a stay at home mom is definitely stressful, but I have been able to keep it to a minimum with these simple little things-

• Cleaning Schedule Each room in my house is assigned a day to be cleaned during the week. I try to keep it to an hour or less each day, which isn’t hard because our house is fairly small. This way everything gets cleaned each week, and if it does get missed one week it’s not a huge deal because I just get back on track the following week. On top of the daily cleaning schedule, I reset my house each night by putting the toys away, straightening couch cushions, putting my kitchen to bed for the night, and doing a real quick floor sweep so that I can wake up to a tidy house in the morning.
• Menu Planning I plan our dinners out one month at a time, as well as weekend breakfasts. This helps me save money when I’m grocery shopping because everything I buy is tied to a recipe, saves my sanity when everyone asks what’s for dinner, and keeps us out of the drive through line more often that not. I schedule in one “leftover” night per week so that we keep our food waste down and I have at least one night per week of easy.
• Social Engagements I am not naturally a social butterfly. That’s my husband’s department. To combat the loneliness that can come with being a stay at home mom I do try to push myself out of my comfort zone and do playdates with our oldest daughter’s friends. She needs it because she is in fact just like her dad, and it gives me adult interaction as well.

Being a stay at home mom and a homemaker isn’t for everyone. If you would have told me 10 years ago that this is where I would be, I would have laughed and asked you if you’d lost your mind. I probably would have had the same reaction 5 years ago, but watching my oldest baby get up before the sun to go to daycare every day (a wonderful daycare, that I worked at) changed my heart in the biggest way…. in the best way. This journey may change for us at some point, but for now we are right were we belong.

~Tara